Tuesday, April 28, 2009

thinking spaces

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I had fun creating this little game for the daily headspa blog. Paul posted quotes from each of the famous architects whose work is featured in the little slideshow from Smilebox.

We're talking about "the space we make" on daily headspa this week. Just before posting this, I was sitting and having a cup of tea in the lovely space we've been given to live in while we work here in Darwin. The house is on stilts, with louvred windows. Each window frames a vision of tropical green growth, somewhere half-way up the palms and right in line with the bulk of the frangiapani and mango trees. The early evening light was coming through the slats of the windows, making it all golden on the dark jarrah wood floors. Very peaceful, very lovely. It is a privilege to make this space our place for a time.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

is it empty?

In the explorations of "empty" we've been doing this week at daily headspa, we've been putting empty up there as a good thing. Empty space between structures - good thing called "Ma" in Japanese. Empty space that helps you appreciate what is there when you put it back.

And I've been reading Eckhart Tolle's book "New Earth" during this week, which is all about emptying the ego and being present to the Power of Now (not incidentally the title of his other book, the one that Oprah really loves...because Oprah loves him you've probably heard lots about him but I provide the link anyway)

And (as if my brain was full enough on empty), I've been continuing to think and dream about a readers' retreat that we'll run sometime in the future.

So it all adds up to this living question: what makes this dream not an empty dream? (because an empty dream is not a positive thing in my mind)

To me, what makes this not an empty dream is what it is doing for me in the present moment, on two levels.
1. even if that particular dream in the future never becomes the now, the growing and knowing of it now is a real thing, and fulfilling
2. dreaming, and some of the anxiety it provokes (will it ever happen? am I smart enough to "make" it happen? what does the future hold for me anyway?), is an opportunity for present moment awareness if I realize what I'm doing. Awareness is the key to presence

So I'm going to bed now to dream full dreams...

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

oh to be empty

I would like to be empty of:
1. vague and nameless anxieties

So, I'm practicing awareness and presence. When I get those wobbly feelings, I notice them. It does seem to dissipate simply by observation. Then I get to say whether I want to hang onto them or not. And since I don't, I don't.

Well, that's the idea anyway. It does work, when I remember to do it. So I am feeling emptier.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

among the many satisfying things

satisfying things in my world today:
1. a decent run for an old lady with arthritis
2. beer after run
3. the meeting ended
4. reading a good email from a friend describing how she spent her birthday beautifully
5. seeing an old friend and being reminded of a beautiful place and time

These are some of the things that keep the strangely persistent sense of gloom at bay. What on earth is that thing, anyway? It's like I can't see the forest for the trees right now or something. But these are good trees, so that is some consolation and I appreciate it.

According to buddhism we are both awakening and ignorance, not necessarily in equal measure but they do seem to slosh around together inside me in varying mixtures. Satisfaction for me has something to do with getting that mix to be lean enough to run smoothly. Clearer, cleaner mindfulness with less ignorance. In each moment, I adjust as I am able.

so I rambling into Saturday night...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

complete satisfaction

I am completely satisfied with the dinner I just ate: leftover potato salad, haloumi cheese, beer.
I am completely satisfied with the meeting I just attended: turns out there are many more people opposed to the new marina development that will destroy a gorgeous section of mangroves than for it: that is satisfying to me and the process of community consultation is satisfying.
I am completely satisfied with the card we got in the mail from a dear friend today. Love snail mail (this card actually had a picture of a banana slug on it, but close enough.)
I am completely satisfied with a busy day coming to a quiet close. One more meeting tonight at 8:00 p.m. and then off to..
I am completely satisfied with the new mattress I bought yesterday.

May your list of complete satisfactions be long...

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

no satisfaction

In actual fact, I don't know what was satisfying today. I'm supposed to be posting about one satisfying thing in my day to go along with our "satisfaction" topic at daily headspa this week. Today's post over there was "no satisfaction" and that rather fits my day.

It was a day of doing things that needed to be done - US taxes, sorting out some other money things, buying new mattresses because every day on the old ones we wake up more tired than the last. We had a chance to talk through a project at work with a colleague. That was good.

Of course I am grateful to have the money to buy those mattresses; to have money to sort out; to have earned money on which to pay taxes. I'm grateful to have been able to do things - health, safety, abilities intact.

But what was doing all of that stuff satisfying?

What would have been satisfying?
1. completing a project - oh, wait, I did mail off an article that was due today so right on time
2. creating something beautiful
3. laughing with a friend
4. reaping some reward from a previous effort
5. solving a puzzle
6. discovering somewhere
7. making something myself so I can unhook a bit more from the money trap

the satisfying thing today? being satisfied with no satisfaction.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

self satisfied?

Our post at daily headspa looking closely at the notion of self-satisfaction has me wondering if my entry here today ought to be about something I'm satisfied with in myself today. Or is that too hard to claim?

I'll give it a try.

I am satisfied with the way I clarified something in a meeting today at work. Instead of letting a questionable assumption about who was going to do what just hang there, when I could feel it was muddying the waters (mine at least) I spoke up. Like I would probably have experienced in many other (most?) workplaces, I felt a real pressure to let it slide and not show my ignorance. But I figured it was better to clear it up now then when expectations aren't met down the road or I step on somebody's turf by accident. I feel satisfied with myself for braving it.

Whew. That's it then.

Monday, April 13, 2009

satisfaction 101

We're blogging about satisfaction at daily headspa this week. I'm going to think about it everyday...and write about each day's little (or big) satisfactions here. Whatcha got? You can join in!

Today's satisfaction: canoeing the mangroves with our friend Bill.

Later in the week I'm hoping to attend a meeting to learn more about a proposed development that will build over/eliminate the particular area of this distinctive ecosystem where I was canoeing today. I am going to dream tonight of how sweet the satisfaction would be if that development plan was stopped by the power of the people.

Because today it was so incredibly satisfying to look at trees from the angle of gliding over the top of them in salt water. I mean, is this not the most amazing plant in the world? Well, pretty amazing anyway. Or what about the satisfaction of spotting that kingfisher amongst the branches and leaves? Or fairy gliding the canoe on the outgoing tide to take us across the river back to the landing? Or watching and waiting to see if that flock of red tailed black cockatoos would really fly right over the top of us. Or the sound of the splash when the sting ray jumped and only Bill saw it.

The satisfaction of knowing that this world amongst the mangroves has nothing to do with me, the human. It is its own world and is intrinsically meaningful because it exists not because someday it might be a marina. Maybe saving this place will be as complicated as finding our way out of the tangle of trees this morning, but it would be very satisfying indeed.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

indelible places

Usually on Saturdays at daily headspa we have a bit of a lark with the weekly topic. We've been digging into it, doing things with it all week and it's time for a bit of fun.

Researching sense of place, this week's daily headspa topic, we came across the fact that this Saturday is the anniversary of the liberation of Buchenwald concentration camp in 1945.

The author Elie Wiesel was a prisoner there and that place shaped his entire existence. His mission and purpose in life is to remember it and to tell its story. He brings his readers not only into that experience, most particularly in his haunting book "Night," but also into all the questions about life, evil, God, the very nature of existence that this reality fused into his being.

We felt it was worth the departure from our norm for Saturdays. There's a connection here to our core mission, expressed lightly in the daily headspa mantra, "enjoy yourself." We firmly believe that people at peace within themselves, at the deepest levels, recognize their interdependence with all of life and that recognition has the power to prevent another Buchenwald; to bring liberation to the Buchenwald situations around the world today. Yeah, what we do is fun, but it's serious fun.

Friday, April 10, 2009

knowing me by my place

The homepage of our website, daily headspa, is always a photograph of the day's calendar page. On one post-it-note on the page is a quote relating to the topic of the week; on another is a link to the main blog where we do different things with the weekly topic for every day of the week: Mondays introduce it, Tuesdays get into it a bit, Wednesdays really dig in, Thursdays do something about it, Fridays go out looking for it, Saturdays have fun with it, and Sundays make some sacred space around it.

On yesterday's homepage post-it-note quote, I used a quote from Mark Strand. I was really happy to come across a quote by this contemporary American poet because he links me to a couple of places that are important to my story.

Strand went to college with my parents at a place called Antioch College in Yellow Springs, Ohio. It was a place of myth and legend in the family because of how it shaped my parents lives. They met there. They were there at a pivotal time in history, the time of Korean vets on the GI bill and co-op jobs in New York City and Detroit when those cities were both full of jazz and bustle.

I made a pilgrimage there with my dad a couple of years before he died. Paul and I were living in Cleveland and dad came up for his birthday in August. Summers in Ohio are perfect for road trips; all green leaves and blue skies. We called in a Ye Olde Trail Tavern for a beer, home to dad's famous pizza making feats of old. And we caught up with a good friend of theirs, a woman named Sue Clauser who wrote "A Girl Named Sooner" and screenplays for the show "Bonanza." She also told us about traveling the world on freighters, and the time she wrote the screenplay for a Johnny Cash movie about an illiterate man. The Man in Black used to call the house to sing to her, checking to see what she thought of the lyrics for songs for the movie. I remember her sun porch, a cool drink, and the stories.

I knew Strand went to Antioch but I didn't know he also went to Yale, one of my old haunts. That place shaped my life every bit as much as Antioch shaped mom and dad's, but for different reasons. I didn't make pizzas there, but I ate plenty of them. I'm not feeling particularly nostalgic about the old ivy-covered walls but maybe that's because I remember it in the spring and fall, two seasons that we don't get here in the tropics. That place opened doors for me that I never thought were possible...this place I'm at now is somehow because of it. And that's good enough to look back on it with a smile.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Some Days are More Zen than Others

Some days on daily headspa are more zen than others. Paul's poem on today's post, This is Where I Live, This is What I Do, has the flavor of a mantra, or the type of mindfulness reminder of place and moment that you'd find in meditation. I'm glad he wrote it and that I was reminded of it today when I needed it. That's the way with spiritual disciplines, they are practices; things one needs to encounter over and over not because you've forgotten or are unable to learn but because the act of encounter and re-encounter is an end in itself even as it is a pathway to a place both familiar and always new.

I was delighted to find the quote by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings to post on the homepage of daily headspa today. Rawlings wrote "The Yearling." Not as flashy as the books by the more current JK Rowling, but it did win a Pulitzer Prize in 1939.

My connection to Rawlings is through a place, her place in Florida. Here's what wikipedia has to say about it:
In 1928, with a small inheritance from her mother, the Rawlingses purchased a 72 acre (290,000 m²) orange grove near Hawthorne, Florida, in a hamlet named Cross Creek for its location between Orange Lake and Lochloosa Lake. She brought the place to international fame through her writing. She was fascinated with the remote wilderness and the lives of Cross Creek residents, her Cracker neighbors, and felt a profound and transforming connection to the region and the land.[6][7] Wary at first, the local residents soon warmed to her and opened up their lives and experiences to her. Marjorie filled several notebooks with descriptions of the animals, plants, Southern dialect, and recipes and used these descriptions in her writings.[8]


My brother and I went to the University of Florida which is in nearby Gainesville. Our family went out to the Yearling Restaurant once, a dark-paneling sort of place more cracker shack than eatery. More like a fish camp, really (fish camps are a middle Florida institution; rickety old places covered in Spanish moss and creaking with the tales of old fishermen). While we were there the power went out. I remember filling up on Sprite while we waiting for light to eat by. And I remember eating "cooter" or turtle. Mostly, I remember being there as a family, having a tiny adventure together in this exotic place off the beaten track at a time when the family connection was stretched as far as it ever had been...we kids were moving on and we wouldn't be back again.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Song of a Place

On the daily headspa blog we've just started a new weekly topic - sense of place is what we're looking into this week.

In the first post of the week today we brought up the way music connects us to place, using an interview from a program on Sunday night here in Australia with Lucinda Williams. You can read that excerpt, get to the vodcast with Lucinda, and find out more about Nacogdoches, Texas here at today's post on daily headspa.

In reflecting on the topic and the post myself tonight, I remembered this poem by Dennis Brutus: It's not a song, but it's title evokes the way music and memories of place are so often fused. Poetry is music anyway, eh?

Nightsong: City

Sleep well, my love, sleep well:
the harbour lights glaze over restless docks,
police cars cockroach through the tunnel streets;

from the shanties creaking iron-sheets
violence like a bug-infested rag is tossed
and fear is immanent as sound in the wind-swung bell;

the long day's anger pants from sand and rocks;
but for this breathing night at least,
my land, my love, sleep well.


The poem, which I found in a book I bought in one iconic place where I have lived, London, reminds me of another iconic place that is so very special to me, Alice Springs in the central desert of Australia. It's a place I want to sing to, a place of sand and rocks and violence and the day's long anger. It makes sense to me that the poet is a South African freedom fighter in terms of this connection to Alice, a place with its own still open wounds of struggle and colonial racism.

Dennis Brutus was imprisoned on Robben Island, where Nelson Mandela was also imprisoned. Tonight I am remembering a time of singing in Alice Springs, singing freedom songs in the community choir; songs about Robben Island. For me it was a time and place of great connection to other people, to the land, to a sense of place that, while not my own, nevertheless drew me in.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

curiosity commitments for the noncommital

I'm an Enneagram personality type #7, which is sometimes characterized (shall I say, "slandered") by other people's observation that we are "over- extended, scattered, and undisciplined."

Paul's "Curiosity Creed" that we posted at daily headspa today is a discipline even I can embrace. Because it's a commitment to variety, which is -especially for type 7's - the spice of life.

I have a number of commitments and disciplines in my life, actually. Every morning I remind myself of my core commitments with a little ritual. I turn to each of the four directions and do some basic chi gong or qigong exercises while reciting the following:

I live an unwavering commitment to (joy, truth & beauty, passion, pleasure)
I believe in (one of the above per direction)
I am ground in...
...is abundant
I offer...
I receive...
I honor...

I like doing the movements with this personal creed because it helps me be more mindful of what I'm saying. A lot of times, I don't know myself to be "grounded in joy" for example, but by saying it and moving mindfully, I remind myself of this aspiration.

I'll have to work curiosity into it now and again, like the 4th plinth.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Curious George (aka my dad)

On Saturdays on daily headspa, the idea is to have some fun with the weekly topic. The topic this week is curiosity so today I posted about two icons of curiosity: Curious George and Columbo.

My late father's name was George and he was a curious fellow, too. I mean he was odd and a bit quirky, but he was also curious about life and about other people. He especially liked curious characters. He peopled his world with eccentrics like Old Man Brown, a man who seemed to have always been in his late 90's who had more money than God but ran his empire of tug boats and waterfront land holdings from a seedy, mildewed office in a diesel soaked marina, tucked away in a polluted bayou off the bay. Or his roommate in college who came from a wealthy Indian family; his grandfather had "32 wives and a Rolls Royce for every one of them," I heard all through my childhood.

My dad had a curious aspiration in life, which I'm glad to say he accomplished. He wanted to be wealthy enough to not have to wear socks if he didn't want to. He drove the Rolls Royce he bought off of e-bay in deck shoes, sans socks.

I credit my dad in large part to my own sense of curiosity, especially about how things work. As I handed him tools at the boat yard, the truck yard, and the back yard, he passed along to me wisdom and wonder.

And he probably read me my first Curious George book, too.